25 years ago my younger brother Ben taught me how to crochet. He was this 17 year old kid who played football and listend to hardcore (it was the early aughts). I was so intrigued by this image of a rather large teenage boy, crocheting on his bed with raging scream-o playing in the background. I was temporarily living back at home and all three of us siblings were together again with our parents. It was to be the last bit of time we were all together as a family, so I am very fond of this particular moment.
Ben was a contradiction in many ways. He liked hardcore music, was a football player, but also a comedian and a deeply loyal soul. He stuck up for the underdog, defended the people everyone made fun of, but would then film his own version of “Jackass” by climbing a broken ladder just to capture the fall. He was fiercely loyal to his many friends and devoted himself to participating in anything that involved a group; but decided to join the Army as his own young man. He made us all laugh hysterically, as he had no qualms about making himself the butt of jokes. He made up characters and acted out complete scenes with animal noises and full on voices (Chaz from San Diego was a surfer brah). Yet, his ability to scam out of responsibilities showcased this dichotomy perfectly - his scams also made you laugh because he so easily duped you with his charming guile.
Ben became a Turret Operator in convoys that escorted VIPs across the Baghdad desert in late 2008. These were not good years in that corner of the world, and on New Year’s Eve 2008, we got the call. Ben was hit by a mortar bomb while stopping at a FOB that was still under construction (so not really “behind the wire” yet). He was the only one injured or killed. A year or so later, when his trunks were shipped back home, we found that dichotomous personality persisted even in the desert. His comrades and battle buddies all said Ben made them laugh and was well-liked in the squad. We also found that he listed to Pink! and The Cheetah Girls a lot. For a kid who loved that .50 caliber weapon and loved being part of a team - he also didn’t care what people thought of him.
About a year before Ben shipped off to the Army, he was at my apartment and saw all of my journals from a lifetime of writing. He read a few of my works, and was so proud of what he found and he made me promise to never stop writing.
This site, my ambition to protect a planet and a people he gave his life for, and my entire crochet journey; is dedicated to him.
